[From March 29, 2013]
When Courtney was much younger, 4 and 5, and we were still trying to find our way through her diagnosis, there was a lot of frustration on my part, on her part, in our family as a whole. Some days were just so, so difficult.
Every evening at bedtime I would have to lay down with her, just to get her to settle in enough to be able to go to sleep. And every evening, no matter how hard that day had been, I would feel her put her small hand in mine and say, “I love you mommy.” And in that instant, all the stress and frustration was gone, replaced with the strength I knew I would need the next day, to get up, face the challenges, and try to do my best.
Even now, at 19 years old, most days are still really hard. There are old challenges and there are new challenges. And some days I find myself wondering where I will find the strength to do this, and take care of her, for the rest of my life. And then she gives me a Mother’s Day card that she has written herself:
“You’re so kind and Beautiful Mommy I ever had in my whole wide world. You make me laugh and giggle too because I would never loose you your so nice and cool mommy and I really love you. I hope you can have an Fantastic mommy’s Day. Love Courtney, I will always be in your heart”
The grammar may not be just right, but I know exactly what she means to say and in that instant my world is a whole lot better and I have found my strength again.
Really appreciate the small things, because that is where the strength is.